It was a Friday evening after the day’s lectures. Miriam went to the beach to cool her brain after an impromptu quiz slapped her brain and got her head bursting. She came back all cheerful yet dull. As usual, it was time for her to gist me on the unusual happenings she witnessed at the shore. Today, it wasn’t about the bossy French lecturer and the ‘holy’ girl in their class, it wasn’t about her course rep’s girl who she was spotted relaxing her head on another guy’s laps, it was about herself, Miriam. I was more than eager to hear this gist.
She said she has been single for long and life has become boring for her. This is no news because I already know her situation. I wanted her to jump over the obvious to the unknown. Finally she dropped the bomb. A guy has proposed to her at the beach. I guess that is good news and I understand the reason behind cheerfulness. But why is she dull? As if she was reading my mind, she said she’s however unhappy because the guy wants “friends With Benefits” and she needs my take on it before she makes any move. Well, I told her I wouldn’t decide for her, I can only tell her what this kind of friendship entails, the benefits she stands to achieve as well as the losses. She can take a decision thereafter.
Lately, the idea of friends with benefits has taken grounds mostly among those in their twenties. Friends With Benefits means having a friend with whom one has an occasional and casual sexual relationship without any commitment. Likewise the girl, the guy might think that the girl is only interested in sex which can make for some pretty harsh realizations down the road. To the guy, it is an enjoyable sexual tour and they normally believe no “good” girl will indulge in this exploration. Friends With Benefits may be good, but it is also bad.
Most of the relationships we call genuine are full of game playing. It is either the guy is cheating or not doing something right, or the lady is cheating. Friends With Benefits has no game playing. The parties know that this relationship has no strings attached so there is no need to play games with each other. This is an open relationship where either of the parties can freely have another relationship.
Normal relationships come with a lot of responsibilities. They are an investment of emotions, energy, time and even money. You must always account for your comings and goings. You must give care, support and communicate often with your partner. Friends With Benefits has none of these other responsibilities. The only duty is to give sexual gratification whenever, wherever and however requested by any party.
Moreover, you have the opportunity to scan among the lot and keep your eye out for someone better. Friends With Benefits is a free world where each of you can go out and hunt for someone you consider better than your current partner. Once you get a better person, you can even enter into another relationship with them. You may decide to quit with your friend with benefit and concentrate on the real relationship or combine both if you have the energy.
Interestingly, some friends With Benefits end up in love. It is possible to fall in love with with your partner along the way. It is much nicer when both partners find love in each other. It starts a new era of genuine love that might lead to something greater.
Apart from exploring romance without emotional investment, some people consider Friends With Benefits better than having a one-night stand with a stranger.
Things will turn sour when you get dropped like a hot potato when they find someone better. Once you have the liberty to scout for someone better, be ready to also be dumped for someone better. That’s the rule you accepted. These relationships can end abruptly without warning and you should be able to endure the hurt.
And remember you are enjoying the era of performing no other relationship responsibilities, you will also forego the none other benefits of a real relationship. No care, no support, no love, no money, just sexual pleasure.
Friends With Benefits is a potential threat to missing genuine love. Other people who are genuinely in love with you might avoid you because of that friend with benefit. When this happens, blame no other person but yourself.
And yes, you might also fall in love. Not the mutual kind of love, but one-sided love. Your partner may be able to stick to the rules of the game and attach no emotions. But you, you may unfortunately fall in love and your partner will look so indifferent about it. See how funny you will look.
In reality, Friends With Benefits is telling you to your face that you are good enough to play and lay with, but you are not good enough to invest feelings in or be with. The choice is yours, weigh the pros and cons and take a wise decision.